A CHRISTMAS STORY BY
CHARLES DICKENS HOGG

EDUCATION NEEDS A LEADER

BEFORE THE MAIN CHRISTMAS STORY THIS COMMENTARY IS AN ATTEMPT TO IMPROVE LITERACY IN FAIRFIELD COUNTY. WE ARE CREATING SOME FINE CHRISTMAS STORIES, THAT HOPEFULLY WILL BECOME CLASSICS, PASSED ON TO FUTURE GENERATIONS THAT CAN READ. J.D. IS JUST SICK AND TIRED OF GOING TO MCDONALDS OR WENDY'S IN SINNSBORO, ONLY TO GET CHANGE BACK IN DIMES AND NICKELS. IF OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM CAN'T TEACH KIDS WHAT A QUARTER IS THEN THE FAST FOOD CHAINS SHOULD HAVE ROLLS OF UNOPENED DELAWARE QUARTERS, GET MY DRIFT! GOD FORBID SOMEONE PAY FOR THEIR MEAL WITH A HALF DOLLAR, A GOLD DOLLAR OR TWO DOLLAR BILL, YOU MIGHT BE WAITING 20 MINUTES ON THE CHANGE INSTEAD OF THE MEAL! AND YOU WONDER WHERE ALL OUR TAX MONEY IS GOING TO EDUCATE OUR YOUNG PEOPLE HERE. IF THIS WAS A ONE TIME INCIDENT I COULD MAYBE UNDERSTAND IT. THERE SHOULD BE NO EXCUSES. POVERTY ISN'T AN EXCUSE. I KNOW SOME REALLY POOR FOLKS THAT CAN AT LEAST COUNT, HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT AND KEEP A CREDIT CARD BALANCED. OUR SAT SCORES ARE AMONG THE LOWEST IN THE NATION. HELL THE HAITI SCHOOL SYSTEM COULD DO BETTER AND PROBABLY DOES. WAKE UP CITIZENS OF FAIRFIELD, IF YOUR KIDS AREN'T GETTIN A QUALITY EDUCATION, THEN YOU NEED TO GET RID OF THE SCHOOL BOARD, ADMINISTRATORS AND START OVER FROM SCRATCH. MAYBE GET SOME FOREIGN AID, SAY QUALITY TEACHERS FROM GERMANY, CUBA OR RUSSIA.  

Long time ago, maybe not that long ago in Merry Olde Ridgeway, there lived the Miserly Old Mayor; one Ebenezer Scrooge Hogg who owned or rented all the stores in our fair town. Such a tightwad was he that all his genes have been passed down to the current generation of Hoggs. He was especially mean to his trusted bookkeeper Bob Hachet Hoggphatt, who according to the local caste system of the time, po white trash just doin' his job. Bob's middle name spoke volumns about what he would like to do to Scrooge Hogg.

Well Bob axed Scrooge Hogg for Christmas Day off and a small bonus, Scrooge was paying $ 1.75 per hour, hence Scrooge barked bah redneck! Bob wanted to spend time with his family especially his disabled child Tiny Tim, who had a foot disability from all the hard work he was doing in Scrooge's Ridgeway Red Patch hoin' the crop. Tiny, being only 10 years old, had to "Tip Toe thru the Red Tips" so he wouldn’t kill one of the plants and he also developed a skin condition from working in the sun all day long. His neck was red, and he would never get his neck to be white again. As mean as Scrooge was, Tiny would always thank the good Lord for what he had.

Well Scrooge Hogg lay down to sleep on Christmas Eve and lo and behold the ghost of Ridgeway past began to appear. Rex Hogg appeared first, still thinking of ways to sue Scrooge over jipping all the folks by tipping the cotton gin scales. Rex showed Scrooge his own funeral and no one showed but a lonely Gamecock, beaten and worn from a beatin’ by his upstate cousin Tiger "pussycat" Hogg. Gamecock Hogg sang the eulogy all by himself, "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen".

The next ghost to appear was Charlie Youwell, who informed Scrooge Hogg he would have to spend eternity rocking with him at the Wray Mansion and would have to sleep on the third floor facing the nekkid mural of Charlie. God only knows how many coats of paint it took to cover that up!

Then the ghost of Christmas present appeared, Sweet Laurine, the best mayor our town ever had, who informed Scrooge Hogg he still had time to mend his ways, henceforth Ebenezer Scrooge Hogg jumped out of bed, got dressed and skipped his Grits. Scrooge raided all the Hogg stores gathering gifts for the family he loathed on, but would now and forever more become part of the Hoggdom. He wrapped slinky's, marble bags, 10 year old Hess trucks, checkers (regular and Chinese), Hoggnopoly, Gamecock fire ant t-shirts, rebel flags, coats and flour sack dresses, and wooden Hogg nickels that were good for nothin' at any Hogg store and jars of 1c candy from the Hogg Dime store circa 1957. Those BB Bats sure were hard and the licorice had fermented and the salt water Taffy was good for plugging holds in the walls.

He hurried to the Hoggphatts double wide mobile home complete with 11 dogs and 1 cat. When he arrived he had already sent Bob home, Bob thought his "Boss Hogg" had lost his mind but he was received if reluctantly. He gave out all the presents but most of all promised Tiny Tim he would never have to Tip Toe thru the Mary Jane again and his skin tone would improve, and at 10 years old made Tiny manager over the newly installed Hogg Greenhouses where he would oversea the beautiful Red Potsettias.

Boss Scrooge promised Bob a raise to $ 2.75 per hour. All were ecstatic and Scrooge Hogg was invited to the Hoggphatt Christmas dinnah feast which consisted of Turkey, Venison, Poke Roast, Possum and Creamed Coon with Catfish on the side. Side dishes included cawnbread dressin' with mountain oysters, mashed taters, rice and chittlin gravy, collard rape and turnip greens cooked together, strangbeans, colored butterbeans with hogg head bisquits. Dessert was sweet tater pie, nanner puddin', chawklet cake, blackberry cobbler and peach pie all washed down with a tall glass of Southern Sweet Tea!

AND TO ALL OUR FANS HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HANUKKAH AND NEW YEAR. LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE CALLED A SOUTHERN TIME CHRISTMAS.

the philosophy of Charles Schultz

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners!


Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life.
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." -- Charles Schultz