Fall Potpourri

Poor People Suck, NFL Says

NEW ORLEANS, LA–With the disaster relief team still months away from picking up the pieces and rebuilding, commissioner of the National Football League Paul Tagliabue stood in the shadow of the New Orleans Super Dome Sunday and accessed the damage.
“On behalf of the NFL, I want to offer my most sincere condolences and sympathies to the families who lost so much in this devastating storm,”
Tagliabue said. “I also want to say, poor people suck, okay.”
Tagliabue toured the remains of the Super Dome Sunday, while its home team, the New Orleans Saints, opened their season on the road with a win over the Carolina Panthers. The arena had been offered as a safe haven for New Orleans residents without the means to evacuate the city prior to the onslaught of Hurricane Katrina.
“I mean, I understand if you can’t get out of the city,” he said. “I understand if you don’t have a car, or you can’t afford bus fare. So what does the NFL do? We give you this nice indoor arena to live in for a few days. Do you appreciate it? Do you take care of it?
Noooooo! You’re in here for less than twenty-four hours, and already the roof is ripped off and there’s water damage everywhere. I am just disgusted.”
Tagliabue had tears in his eyes as he walked across the rain-damaged artificial turf, his feet kicking through layers of garbage and human waste.
“I swear,” he muttered, “you can’t give these people anything.”

Other Potpourri

So The Story Goes

Father of One of My Children

Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. 

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. 

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! 

She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. 

"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it." 

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" 

God replied, "An arm and a leg." 

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" 

Of course the rest is history......................

 

 A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her from so he says, "Do you know me"?
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my children."
Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt"?
She said, "No, I'm your son’s math teacher."

This Should Explain It All...  
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical. Our oil is located in Alaska, California, Coastal Florida, Coastal Louisiana, Kansas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania and Texas. Our DIPSTICKS are located in Washington DC!
Any Questions?