Boss Hogg and Lulu, his wife are lying in bed at night. She feels his hand brush against her shoulder and
back.
"Honey, that feels so good," she says.
His hand moves across her, then down towards her thigh.
"Oh, that's wonderful," she says, "Don't stop."
He stops.
"Why did you stop?" Lulu says to him.
Boss replies, "I found found the chicken leg you stole for a midnight
snack."
Butt Measurements
Boss Hogg and Lulu were working in their garden one day when he looked over
at her and said:
"Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is
bigger than the barbecue."
With that Boss proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and
then went over to where Lulu was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
snickered Boss
Lulu chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, Boss is feeling a
little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely
brushes him off.
What's wrong?" he asks.
Lulu answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill
for one little weenie?"
Bosses COLONOSCOPY......
Boss Hogg went into his proctologist's office for his first rectal exam.
The doctors new nurse, Evelyn, took him to an examining room and told him to
get undressed and have a seat
until the doctor could see him. She said that he would only be a few
minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave him, he sat down on the examination
table.
While waiting for a few minutes, he observed that there were three items on
a stand next to the exam table: a Tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove and a
beer.
When the doctor finally came in he said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused.
This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for and I know what the glove
is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?
At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.
He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse....... Evelyn !!!!!!!!!!! I
said a BUTT LIGHT!"
THE BATHTUB TEST
During a visit to the mental asylum, Lulu asked the Director what the
criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be
institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,
a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the
bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said Lulu. "A normal person would use the bucket because
it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a
bed near the window?"
The Tractor
Boss Hogg has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads
with him that he is graduating from school and
would really like to get a car.
His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and points to
he farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and I
promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."
The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said,
"Okay, Dad."
A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new
two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse . "as soon as that tractor
is paid for . . "
Shortly, a few days later, son number 3, his youngest, comes bugging him for
a tricycle. Again, ol' Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being
paid for first.
While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the
whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly goes
over and kicks the rooster smooth off the hen's back, mumbling to himself
the whole time.
His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn't
do anything to you to deserve that!"
The little boy looks his Dad right square in the eye and says, "Hey, nobody
rides anything around here until that damn tractor is paid for."
Warning About Bacon Grease
The question is: Do you use bacon grease?
We were raised on bacon grease (lard) as kids and even into adulthood. I
will never use it again. I hope you will throw yours away whenever you fry
bacon from now on. It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore. I just
threw out my last 2 tbls of bacon grease!! This is what happens when you
keep cooking with bacon grease. This is a warning, send this to everyone you
care about. It could happen to you......or them.
Bacon grease will make your feet small!! Warn everyone!!
