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SMALL TOWN POLITICS AND SORE LOSERS |
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After the landslide election of April 4th when sweet Charlene put Boss
Hogg back
First things first, in 1999 the Greater Ridgeway Business Association
created a beautiful coin to celebrate Ridgeways Bicentennial. The coins
were made from 100% Ridgeway Gold and Silver from the Kennecott Ridgeway
Gold Mine. The leaders of the association were J. See where we're going.? It seems Hoggonomics got involved after the election and some of Boss Hoggs kin claimed the gold coins were only 10% gold, and rumors hit the fan. First and foremost these coins were made at one of the finest minting facilities in the country and talking about the Feds jumping in if these coins were phony, I rest my case. However the Hogg clan claims they got an ass-sayer to make the claim and they also called the local coin dealer who also made the claim. The coin dealer says he never oinked to a Hogg and these gold coins are now quadruple they're original cost. Seems these folks need to get their mouths washed out with Ivory Soap, it'll wash away 99.9% BS. and while they're at it go visit a doctor with a huge 24k nugget ring and big fingers so he can check out and see that you're full of 'Sure Happy Its Thursday'!
Second, it has been reported by a reliable source that B Third but not at all the least, seems Boss has sold his fillin' station to some of our fine citizens? The ? is there because they should've known better. Seems General Sherman envisioned a livery stable back then run by a bunch of ruthless Hoggs and surveyed the back of the property where no Hogg could enter or escape while the rival Hoggphatt clan pushed the Century House line back toward Columbia. Boss done hoodwinked his friends, now they got to sweet talk our new Mayor for a right of way. J.D. would inform them to take their foot and well, it would be a three legged race to the Fairfield band aid station to get my foot removed out of Boss Hoggs rumpus roastus! |
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Ridgeway Church |
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1. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... the finance
2. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. 3. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. 4. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. 5. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!) 6. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale." 7. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven different last names in the church directory. 8. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. 9. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub. 10. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. 11. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... the collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy. 12. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... instead of a bell; you are called to service by a duck call. 13. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. 14. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink." 15. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too. 16. You Know You're in a Ridgeway Church if... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya heah".
God Bless and don't Y'all fergit ta say yer prayers!!! |
where he belonged, Boss started wallowing in the mud again and
strange things started happenin' and rumors abound on several fronts. Its
so coincidental that these things have just come to fruition after the
election. The idiocracy has left little doubt that Boss and his cronies
think the way they always have namely 'I'm de mayor' formally or otherwise,
"I'm de man, its mah way or you can all go to hell, lets pig out"!
D.
Hogg, Big Jim Bundy and Roger Blaring who happens to be married to the
Beautiful and charming Mayor Elect.
committee
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of
the members knows how to play one.