Although you appear very crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra's have tremendous influence. An older okra can look back over his or her life and see the seeds of their influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

Jefferson Davis Hogg Jr. and Stonewall Lee Hogg were returnin' from Sinnsboro yesterday April 28th. Now I know AAA has us pegged but I have to say this episode is the whole truth. As we went over the hill toward Ridgeway and the speed drops to 35 some Jackass in a Green truck passed us going at least 70. I looked over at Stonewall and said I hope that jerk and just as I said it our police chief was in the right place at the right time. He cut wheelies in the grass to nail this one and just as we turned toward home he slapped every blue light on his car he could. I have never wished anyone  a speedin' ticket but this jerk deserved one and I hope the fine was high enough they'll never do it again.

Thanks chief for this one.

QUOTE OF THE DAY FOR MAYOR HOGG

I was taught that it is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool then to open it and remove all doubt!

To me life seems to be a bowl of grits
For some a can of worms their life befits
To me a can of worms means I go fishing
For some, a bowl of grits means the lumps

I dreamed of Heaven the other night and the Pearly Gates swung wide. An Angel with a halo bright ushered me inside.
And there to my astonishment, stood folks I'd judged and labeled as quite unfit, of little worth and spiritually disabled.
Indignant words rose to my lips but never were set free. For everyone showed stunned surprise not one expected me!
 

LORDY LORDY IS WE IN TROUBLE

Associated Press reprinted in the Ridgeway tradition

The most convincin' research suggest that being FAT in your 40's raises the risk of dementia later in life. I'm heah to say my fair Town of Ridgeway is in some serious trouble. Quoted directly from the AP story "for God's sake we better get cracking" said one Philip James an obesity expert who heads the international obesity task force. For once we now understand Mayor Hogg fully and his tantrums and way off the wall decisions as well as the editor of this newspaper, sorry J.D. They are both on a downhill slide, one maybe more that the other, there's twice the weight! Ridgeway's now going to be known as " Home of the Hogg Nutts." When these two bend over to pick something up they advertise Ridgeway's say no to drugs. Please say no to crack. That's horrifying to look at!

MORE ON THIS STORY SOON!

Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they are uncomfortable talking about where they came from. A chitlin, however can make something of himself, if he's motivated and has plenty of seasonings. When it comes to dealin' with chitlings be very careful. Chitlins can burn and erupt like Mayor Hogg and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Okra and Catfish when its time to get hitched.

You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things and you feel the need to burrow deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to get hitched to you, so don't worry about it.

You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. Its a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should get hitched to anyone whom you can get remotely interested in the idea. ITS NOT GOING TO BE EASY. This might be the year for you to exercise by getting Mayor Hogg to chase you around the block.

When confronted with life's difficulties Possums have a remarkable tendency to withdraw and develop a don't give a s$%^ attitude. Sometimes they become withdrawn other folks thing they're roadkill. This strategy is probably not healthy with Mayor Hogg and others hongry all the time. One day this will not work and you'll really find you've been run over and its time for lunch.

Crawfish is a water sign. If you work indoors you always find yourself next to the Nehi drinks. Crawfish prefer Lake Wannabee to the Mountains, the swimmin' hole versus the golf course, the bathtub to the livin' room. You is actually quite ugly but you have a good head.

Collards have a gift for communication. They love to stick up the Melting pot of life and love to share their essence with those around them. Collards make good social workers, mechanics, and peach pickers. If you is a collard stay away from Moon Pies and avoid a lot of heartburn.

One does not invite a Catfish to dinner with a Crawfish, jokes J.D. Hogg, too many bones. Catfish are traditionalist with matters of the heart, although whiska's can cause problems when makin' love. Catfish are nevah easy to understand. You prefer muddy bottoms to a clear surface in life. Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a crowd of other Grits. You love to travel to anywhere they have cheese or gravy and bacon, sausage, ham , butter and eggs. If the destination has all these things, that serves you well.

You have a passionate desire to help your fellow southerner. Yankees don't know what a boiled goober is. Unfortunately people that know you best may find you a bit too salty and their criticism will affect you deeply since you are much softer that that hard shelled Yankee cousin. Go ahead and get hitched to whoever you want to because you have such a charmed life, because any decent Southerner will always pull over and stop for you.

Always invite a butterbean because butterbeans, white or colored get along with everybody. You, as a butterbean should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel right at home no matter what the setting is. You can sit next to everybody including Mayor Hogg. However you too should be wary of Moon Pies.

You have at tendency to develop a tough exterior, redneck of course, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you is a fire, some herb, sassafras root, fruit, earthworms, and a few cock-a-roaches. You are a throwback. You are not concerned with today's fashion and trends as long as you have your reliable pickup truck, easy-rider rifle rack and rebel flag. You are really prehistoric in your interest and behavior patterns. You are better off gettin' hitched to another armadillo but Possum is another kinky mating possibility.