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Mayor Demands Domestic Violence Legislation
Since South Carolina is again the laughing State of the Nation, it has been reported that Mayor Hogg is really miffed at his political crony and distant cousin Rep. "Bull Butt" Faultman Hogg from down around Chawston way. Seems our state legislature, one of the mo intelligent group of scoundrels to be found anywhere in the good old CSofA, was debatin' bills on domestic violence and chicken fightin'. Well the domestic bill was almost dead when this cute little reporter from a local television station was questioning Bull Butt when he stuck his foot into where the sun don't shine causin' an uproar amongst the populace to his chauvinist bigoted ways. The bill was almost dead and the bills sponsor Rep. Velcro Punter was in a poutin' mood till Bull Butt in a freak of nature brought it to the forefront again. Meanwhile the chickens led by one Henry Pecker were protestin' to get their bill passed too. Only now, after seeing the error of his ways Bull Butt was introducin' bill again but only after considering Mayor Hoggs reasons that it be passed ASAP. He gave five examples to Bull Butt of brutality committed on him by his lovely better half and chief Anastasia Brutus Hogg. 1. She once commenced a whuppin on him for not pullin' the toilet seat up quick enough whilst trying to find the blasted thing tucked under 400 pounds of flab. 2. Gave him a black eye when she caught him stealing a spoonful of her delicious grits out of her bowl while she was gettin' a second round of coffee. He had already gobbled up all of his'n, now he wanted her'n. 3. Almost drowned him at Lake Wannabee when he took her "crappie" fishin'. When the good Mayor through out his line, he did'nt realize it backfired. He yelled, "Honey I got a Big One", whence she replied "Don't flatter me", then she commenced a screamin' and yellin' to the top of her lungs, he yelled "I got a big one" and yanked off her bra, he got a paddlin' he nevah got from his mama, thrown overboard, the only thing saving him was that 400 pound intertube of his that left him boobling like a cork in the water. 4. Got another beatin', this time with a good old fashioned hick'ry switch peeled and shiny when Anastacia had cooked up some of her scrumptious peach pies and nanner puddin' for Sunday's dinnah on the grounds at the Baptist Church. The good mayor was tending to his Wawtermelon Patch when she put the pies and puddin' on the ledge to cool. Bad mistake. The aroma arrived at the Hogg nostrils seconds later. Like a Hogg at the trough he gobbled up one, two, three peach pies and had started on the nanner puddin' when the Mrs. came around the house and caught the Hogg red handed, peeled the biggest hick'ry switch she could muster and left red stripes all over that sloppin Hogg. Next morning at church the Preacher asked the congregation if they knew the difference tween a Northern Baptist and A Southern Baptist. The good mayor thingin' about the previous nights whuppin' said Northern Baptist say "there ain't no hell" and looking at his lovely wife again said and Southern Baptist say "the hell there ain't" whence he said Amen. Anastasia was Hot as hell and after church got all the ladies together to form a new ladies organization called the BS-RS, THE BLACK SKILLET REMOVAL SYSTEM. 5. Mayor Hogg later in the evening having a great hunger pain got into the Mrs. last stash of of creamed possum she was saving for breakfast to spread on their toast with her lovely cheese grits. For all Yankees who don't understand this Southern delicacy its called s#$% on a shingle and the mayor got the pan too. So with these five fine examples of domestic brutality, Rep. Bull Butt has signed on to the new legislation. Rep. Velcro who says she is happy won't have nothing to do with Bull Butt who was quoted as saying "I would love to take that chick Velcro and stick them lips to the wall and play my favorite childhood game Pin the tail on the Donkey, whence Rep. Velcro overheard his remarks and said Rep. Bull Butt you're in the wrong political party cause you're the real jackass. Meanwhile Henry Pecker's bill will pass too and those stupid sub humans will keep us from killing each other. Editors Note - On a serious note: Domestic Violence is real regardless of sex and it need to be dealt with. Nothing gets this writers dander up, then people that fight animals. If caught they should be forced into the compound and feel the cruelty themselves not till death but to where they wish they were. This would put an end to this barbarism. If you want to get serious now we have initiated a forum section where you can vent and say anything you want about any issue. You can post your political agenda, talk about anything from Ridgeway on down. We retain the right to censor if it gets out of hand and remember the seven words you cant use. THEY WILL BE PROGRAMMED OUT.

Mayor Demands Domestic Violence Legislation

     Since South Carolina is again the laughing State of the Nation, it has been reported that Mayor Hogg is really miffed at his political crony and distant cousin Rep. "Bull Butt" Faultman Hogg from down around Chawston way. Seems our state legislature, one of the mo intelligent group of scoundrels to be found anywhere in the good old CSofA, was debatin' bills on domestic violence and chicken fightin'. Well the domestic bill was almost dead when this cute little reporter from a local television station was questioning Bull Butt when he stuck his foot into where the sun don't shine causin' an uproar amongst the populace to his chauvinist bigoted ways.
     The bill was almost dead and the bills sponsor Rep. Velcro Punter was in a poutin' mood till Bull Butt in a freak of nature brought it to the forefront again. Meanwhile the chickens led by one Henry Pecker were protestin' to get their bill passed too. Only now, after seeing the error of his ways Bull Butt was introducin' bill again but only after considering Mayor Hoggs reasons that it be passed ASAP. He gave five examples to Bull Butt of brutality committed on him by his lovely better half and chief Anastasia Brutus Hogg.

    1. She once commenced a whuppin on him for not pullin' the toilet seat up quick enough whilst trying to find the blasted thing tucked under 400 pounds of flab.
     2. Gave him a black eye when she caught him stealing a spoonful of her delicious grits out of her bowl while she was gettin' a second round of coffee. He had already gobbled up all of his'n, now he wanted her'n.
     3. Almost drowned him at Lake Wannabee when he took her "crappie" fishin'. When the good Mayor through out his line, he did'nt realize it backfired. He yelled, "Honey I got a Big One", whence she replied "Don't flatter me", then she commenced a screamin' and yellin' to the top of her lungs, he yelled "I got a big one" and yanked off her bra, he got a paddlin' he nevah got from his mama, thrown overboard, the only thing saving him was that 400 pound intertube of his that left him boobling like a cork in the water.
     4. Got another beatin', this time with a good old fashioned hick'ry switch peeled and shiny when Anastacia had cooked up some of her scrumptious peach pies and nanner puddin' for Sunday's dinnah on the grounds at the Baptist Church. The good mayor was tending to his Wawtermelon Patch when she put the pies and puddin' on the ledge to cool. Bad mistake. The aroma arrived at the Hogg nostrils seconds later. Like a Hogg at the trough he gobbled up one, two, three peach pies and had started on the nanner puddin' when the Mrs. came around the house and caught the Hogg red handed, peeled the biggest hick'ry switch she could muster and left red stripes all over that sloppin Hogg.
     Next morning at church the Preacher asked the congregation if they knew the difference tween a Northern Baptist and A Southern Baptist. The good mayor thingin' about the previous nights whuppin' said Northern Baptist say "there ain't no hell" and looking at his lovely wife again said and Southern Baptist say "the hell there ain't" whence he said Amen. Anastasia was Hot as hell and after church got all the ladies together to form a new ladies organization called the BS-RS, THE BLACK SKILLET REMOVAL SYSTEM.
     5. Mayor Hogg later in the evening having a great hunger pain got into the Mrs. last stash of of creamed possum she was saving for breakfast to spread on their toast with her lovely cheese grits. For all Yankees who don't understand this Southern delicacy its called s#$% on a shingle and the mayor got the pan too.
     So with these five fine examples of domestic brutality, Rep. Bull Butt has signed on to the new legislation. Rep. Velcro who says she is happy won't have nothing to do with Bull Butt who was quoted as saying "I would love to take that chick Velcro and stick them lips to the wall and play my favorite childhood game Pin the tail on the Donkey, whence Rep. Velcro overheard his remarks and said Rep. Bull Butt you're in the wrong political party cause you're the real jackass. Meanwhile Henry Pecker's bill will pass too and those stupid sub humans will keep us from killing each other.

Editors Note - On a serious note: Domestic Violence is real regardless of sex and it need to be dealt with. Nothing gets this writers dander up, then people that fight animals. If caught they should be forced into the compound and feel the cruelty themselves not till death but to where they wish they were.
This would put an end to this barbarism. If you want to get serious now we have initiated a forum section where you can vent and say anything you want about any issue. You can post your political agenda, talk about anything from Ridgeway on down. We retain the right to censor if it gets out of hand and remember the seven words you cant use. THEY WILL BE PROGRAMMED OUT.

Southerners get away with the awfullist things!
~By Ruth Carter Bourdon~ Submitted by Effie Pearl Pinkett Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the words, "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart." As in, "Bless his heart, if they put his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six lane highway" Or, "Bless her heart, she's so bucktoothed, she could eat an apple through a picket fence." Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North, bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships and their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past their endless complaints that you can't find good bread down here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread! And I've caught myself thinking twice before saying something is "right much," "right close," or "right good" because non-natives think this is right funny indeed. I have a friend from Bawston who thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to "carry" my daughter to the doctor or "cut off" the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am "fixin'" to do something. And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where "over yonder" is or what "I reckon" means! My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home."
Southern girls know bad manners when they see them: 1. Drinking straight out of a can. 2. Not sending thank you notes. 3. Velvet after February. 4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day. Southern girls always say: 1. "Yes, ma'am." 2. "Yes, sir." Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions: 1. "Y'all come back! now ya heaah," 2. "Well, bless your heart." 3. "Drop by when you can." 4. "How's your mother?" 5. "Love your hair." Southern girls know their three R's!: 1. Rich 2. Richer 3. Richest Southern girls know everybody's first name: 1. Honey 2. Darlin' 3. Sugah Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts: 1. "Gone With the Wind" 2. "Fried Green Tomatoes" 3. "Driving Miss Daisy" 4. "Steel Magnolias" Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm: 1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =( Atlanta as outsiders say) 2. Richmon 3. Challston 4. S'vannah 5. Birminham 6. Nawlins' 7. OH! And that city in Alabama? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY! Southern girls know the three deadly sins: 1. Bad hair 2. Bad manners 3. Bad blind dates G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South! Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone else Raised In The South, i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females aspiring to be GRITS, Even the northern ones, "Bless Their Hearts". That Reminds me. I have a rubber stamp that says "Just because your children were born in the South does not make them Southerners. After all, if a cat had kittens in the oven, that wouldn't make them biscuits."